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The ninth step is very action-oriented and provides a sense of relief. Although step nine can be difficult, participants should remember that if it were easy, everyone would be doing it. It takes willingness and courage to reflect on and find a resolution to your mistakes.

• Living amends refers to the ways in which you change how you live your life in recovery or “walking our talk.” These changes affirm your commitment to the direct or symbolic amends you made with others.
• We can help you understand how to use health insurance coverage for rehab, how to find the right facility for your needs and more.
• Many sponsors bring an awareness of why individuals are motivated to express amends and can question the beneficial purpose of sharing such information from the past.

Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) Step 9: Make Amends to People You’ve Harmed

• The original AA model was later used to form other recovery programs to help people with different addictions and compulsive behaviors.
• A living amend might include a posthumous promise to the deceased child to, from now on, make it a point to walk their surviving siblings to the bus stop each day.
• AA is, of course, heavily focused on principles of Christianity, but many of today’s groups have modernized the tenets to reflect a more diverse audience.
• You may learn that your offense is easily forgiven and long forgotten.

Remember, this is a Twelve Step process that can provide a platform for healing, but the person we are reaching out to may not be at the same place in healing as we are. We are only in control of our part—making and living the amends. As with alcohol and other drugs, we are also powerless over other people. We cannot control how others respond, whether they will forgive or whether they will hold on to negative feelings or resentments. It’s also important to take great care when making amends to someone who is in active addiction because our primary responsibility is to safeguard our own health and recovery from substance abuse.

Family and Children’s Programs

Soon, you’ll run out of reasons to give your loved ones why you’ve failed them once again. Deathbed promises are a common way people make living amends. They want to find ways of making up living amends for all their past wrongs, and they don’t want to miss the opportunity to do so once their loved one dies.

Step 9 is All About Action

• “For me, a spiritual awakening is a whole different ball of wax—a moment of clarity when I can say ahhh…now I understand.”
• By Buddy TBuddy T is a writer and founding member of the Online Al-Anon Outreach Committee with decades of experience writing about alcoholism.
• However, in the context of grief recovery, David Kessler, in his book Finding Meaning, talks about the importance of living amends as a tool for grief healing.
• There is no denying that taking step nine takes tremendous courage.
• Instead, you may need to engage in a dialogue with them over time.
• Your relationship with a higher power—no matter how you define it—can help you to remain open and willing, even as you acknowledge hard truths about pain you have caused to others.

Other individuals who have completed Step 9, such as your sponsor, may be able to help you choose a meaningful way to make indirect amends. It is important, during this process, that you understand that a simple apology is not enough to undo the damage you have done. Rather, you need to make a more concrete and serious effort to express that you know what wrongs you have done, and that you have changed, and want to make things right. I always thought that I had been making direct amends whenever I had injured others.

Ways to Make Amends in Recovery

There is no denying that taking step nine takes tremendous courage. People are encouraged to take an honest look at themselves, then deconstruct their egos and rebuild, little by little. The Steps encourage the practice of honesty, humility, acceptance, courage, compassion, forgiveness and self-discipline—pathways to positive behavioral change, emotional well-being and spiritual growth. This was a good start for me but there were still a lot of “I’s” as I experienced this step. As with all the steps I have found for me, that as time moves on they reveal more and more to me.

Admitting powerlessness is not the same as admitting weakness. It means asking for help, leaning on others and relying on your support system. It means admitting—and accepting—that you’re living with a disease that alters your brain. It might seem backward, but when you admit that you don’t have power, you finally access the power you need. Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others. If the act of making amends will open old wounds or create new harm, then making direct amends should be avoided.

• They may choose to make living amends by promising to change their ways and become more helpful to others.
• Remember, this is a Twelve Step process that can provide a platform for healing, but the person we are reaching out to may not be at the same place in healing as we are.
• The goal of the program is to improve yourself and make strides to be a better person for yourself and your loved ones alike while also remaining sober.
• Even simply searching “AA meetings near me” in your web browser can pull up state or local websites with lists of various nearby meetings.

A true amend would be giving him $20 back along with the apology. Unfortunately, there are many things that we do in our using that we can not rectify with tangible goods or direct amends. What about the late nights that we kept our parents up worrying? What about the relationships we ruined, the emotional wreckage we created?

You are setting the record strait to clean up your side of the street, so to speak. However, some may be tempted to take this step too quickly with the primary goal of making themselves feel better fast, avoiding uncomfortable feelings that come up when examining negative behaviors. One of the most important things to remember is that not everyone will be accepting of attempts to make amends.